This post will focus on my teaching exploits (in case you forgot, that is my primary activity while I'm in Thailand). My first stint as an educator has recently ended to the great disappointment of my students (or so I like to think). Although it was a successful term of classes, it provided many flustering moments for yours truly.
After clumsily stumbling through my first two 45 minute lessons, I was rather dubious about my ability to provide 90 minutes of intellectually stimulating and linguistically challenging material for my charges. It's amazing how slowly the clock hands creep along when you are profusely sweating at the front of the room with 10 sets of eyes focused squarely on you. And you're repeating yourself. Repeatedly.
Although I routinely estimated the quality of my lessons to be somewhere in the range of par to subpar, my trainers and fellow teachers continually praised my efforts. I'm not sure if this means that I was actually doing a good job or if they just didn't want to have to fill in for me on Tuesdays should I be laughed out of the classroom. Regardless of their motivations, I was deeply appreciative of their encouraging remarks.
I know what you're thinking. "Enough of this self-congratulatory nonsense about how you taught English so well. Let's get to the moments where you made a fool of yourself." Very well. I had a few nagging problems that routinely surfaced during my lessons and invariably provided great amusement to the students. Foremost, I developed the habit of repeating myself when the students were slow to understand one of my questions. For some unknown reason, I would momentarily forget that they are learning English and may not understand me, thus my strategy of repeating the question was rendered useless. However, sometimes they would understand my query and still I repeated myself, which I can only attribute to my nervous energy and deep-seated fear of awkward silences during times that I'm the center of attention (in all other situations, I cherish awkward silences).
Another general issue that caused confusion in class should hardly come as a surprise to those who know me well. I am a pretty sarcastic person and I often fail to control myself when a situation presents an opportunity to make a witty remark (well, sometimes it's witty, other times I'm just not funny). On more than a few occasions, I was in the midst of a presentation to my students when I noticed something amiss with the resource that I was using. For example, we usually began each class with some choral and individual drilling of the vocabulary being introduced in that evening's session. This activity required me to stand in front of the students, show them a flashcard with a picture of the word, and check for pronunciation. Undoubtedly a straightforward exercise, but I found a way to perplex my pupils in their efforts to pronounce simple words and phrases such as "tall" or "drive a car."
In one instance, the card that I was holding showed an image in which the sex of the person who was "making breakfast" was completely ambiguous. Since I was using it in a story with other cards, it was imperative that they understand that "he makes breakfast." Unfortunately, a few students said "he," a few said "she," and a few just said "make breakfast." And all responses were correct, based upon the image being shown to them. However, instead of clarifying that the answer was "he makes breakfast," I muttered something under my breath about the low quality of the flashcard (which I drew) and only furthered the confusion of the students. Apparently, my efforts at self-deprecation do not translate well in a basic English language class. Instead of laughing heartily at my witty sarcasm, they tried to comprehend what I had just mumbled, thus disrupting the flow of an otherwise efficient session of vocabulary practice. I'm a natural at this teaching thing.
Thais (or at least the 10 in my class) seem to have no issues talking openly about their weight. Perhaps it is my ingrained Western sensitivity towards referring directly to another person's weight (particularly that of a woman), but I was slightly uncomfortable when imparting the meaning of the adjective "fat" during my final class. After successfully navigating the introductory drilling, my lesson plan called for me to hand out flashcards with the adjective written on them and have the students match the words to the corresponding picture cards on the whiteboard. Before class, I had reminded myself not to give the "fat" card to an overweight member of the class. Perhaps I was overestimating the awkwardness that would result, but I wanted to avoid the situation if possible. So what do you think happened? In my hurried shuffling of the word cards, I somehow jumbled the meticulously crafted order that they had been put in before class. As such, I ended up giving the "fat" card to Joy, one of the more overweight ladies in the group. Well done professor. Ultimately, it became clear that she couldn't have cared less and they ended up laughing at my uneasiness with the whole situation, but not before I struggled mightily to dislodge my foot from my mouth.
A second anecdote that centered around the weight of my students occurred on testing day. While final evaluations (to determine whether or not the student should move up to the next class level) were taking place in another room, two of the four teachers were leading the class in a plethora of language games to take their minds off the imminent examinations. After conducting my assigned testing, I joined fellow teacher Jo in organizing the class for the "back to the board" game. The exercise begins with the teacher writing a word on the board while one student has their back to it. The rest of the students then take turns using the word in a sentence, but they are required to make a "beep" sound in place of the actual word. For example, I might say "I BEEP my car to work." What's the answer? Drive. Very good class!
The students (and Jo) thought it would be great fun to have me plop down in the hot seat. Jo, being the joker that she is, decided to write "fat" on the board. After the first few sentences gave me no helpful insight, it was Joy's turn. Slyly grinning, she said "Pit (the woman seated next to her) is BEEP." Um, ok. My natural inclination was to think that Joy was being complimentary of her seat neighbor and that perhaps the answer was "beautiful." Despite my suspicions, I didn't offer a guess and instead let Pit try her hand at providing the crucial clue. As she sat there with a rather exasperated look on her face, Pit's frustration with both my inability to provide the answer and her struggle to think of something new to say (the game had gone through 7 or 8 rounds so most of what could be said had been) grew increasingly apparent. After 10 seconds had passed, she suddenly blurted out "I...am...FAT!" The rest of the class immediately broke into raucous laughter as I sat there with a thoroughly confused look on my face. At this point, I realized that my inhibitions in referring to a woman's weight need to be checked at Thailand's door. In the Land of Smiles, they apparently don't care (as evidenced by Joy happily posing for a picture with her teacher).
My last tidbit from the teaching trail is brief, but it is by far the most embarrassing tale, both personally and professionally (I'm a professional teacher, right?). Prior to the examinations, each teacher was assigned a weaker student for a one-on-one tutorial. I met with Sao, a gregarious lady who always arrived at class in her aerobics outfit (that's about all I got on her). The session took place on a Friday, which was often a tough day for the teachers following our usual Thursday evening festivities. In an effort to be fully prepared for Sao's review lesson, I decided to consume two Red Bulls. To clarify, two Thai Red Bulls. To those unfamiliar with the difference between Red Bulls, the concoction sold in stores over here contains far more caffeine and sugar than its American counterpart. Anyway, after rapidly gulping my beverages in the late afternoon, I met with Sao at 5 o'clock. The lesson ran smoothly until we began a review of directional words and phrases. I pulled out the sample town map and Sao told me how to get to a few places. She had little trouble with these tasks, but was slightly befuddled when I tried to correct her for...providing the right answer. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I tried to tell her that left was right. Twice. Coupled with my exhausted state, the Red Bulls had transformed me from my usual deliberate, thoughtful self into a stammering idiot incapable of differentiating between left and right. Sao laughed; I cringed. At this point, I made the decision to take myself out of the running for "Teacher of the Year."
Ultimately, teaching English has been far more challenging than I anticipated. Despite my mishaps, I think my Thai students enjoyed the experience as much as I did. Or so it appears in the pictures below (well, the second one is from the end-of-term party so A might have just been happy because I got him a beer). Either way, I'll take it.
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